Ask A Pacer

As a continuation of an ongoing segment, my girl LA is covering Monday’s Wizards-Pacers game. She asked me for some questions to ask the visiting team. This is what I submitted. Check the papers Tuesday for the results. I’m pretty sure none of these will be answered.

To Jermaine O’Neal:
“You just returned from injury. Are you sure they got all the sand out of your vagina this time?”
“Would you agree that your greatest performance ever was when you played in that pickup game that was captured in a Nike commercial? You were blocking shots with your elbow. It was impressive.”
“What were you thinking when you did your famous sliding ice punch (not my words) in the Palace Brawl to knock out Turtle from Entourage?"

To Jamal Tinsley:
“The club you got shot at, that was a strip club, right?”
“Do you sometimes miss Stephen Jackson coming along with you to strip clubs?”
“Have you ever beaten anybody with a dust pan, because you looked pretty vicious that night in Detroit with it?”
“You’re nickname at the Rucker is ‘The Abuser.’ Because of Megan’s Law, do your neighbors need to be informed when you move into their neighborhood?”

To Mike Dunleavy:
“With all these felons on your team, what do you and Troy Murphy talk about? Old Seinfeld episodes? Does Travis Diener get involved?”
“Do you have incriminating photos of Chris Mullins? Because if not, you should have never gotten the contract you got from him.”

To Assistant Coach Dick Harder:
“Ever consider going by Richard, or Rich?”

To Ronald “Flip” Murray :
“How many times have you listened to Lil’ Flip’s ‘Game Over’, you know the one where they chant “Flip” over and over? My guess is 10,487. Too high?”

To David Harrison:
“You got suspended earlier in the year for smoking weed. You went to the University of Colorado . These two wouldn’t happen to be related would they? Because there are a lot of hippies in Boulder .”

To Kareem Rush:
“Wait, you’re still in the league? I thought you’d be in Italy now.”
“Your brother Brandon Rush just won the NCAA title. Has this made up for the shame your family felt when they were upset the past three years?”

To Troy Murphy:
“You went to Notre Dame. How ashamed are you that Brady Quinn is a fellow alum? And doesn’t the Catholic Church frown on his sort of behavior?”

To Shawne Williams:
“Please don’t have someone in your entourage shoot me.”
“You went to Memphis . What’s your favorite Three 6 Mafia song?”