Happy New Year

And a happy new year to you from The Barney Show. We here have started 2008 off with a bang. Where do we start? I ended up going to an Irish bar with all you can drink provided you pay the $50 cover, so you can guess where this is going. The metro closed at 2 am and since I left the bar after this, and wasn’t paying a $100 cab fare home, things got interesting.

- I passed out on a lawn across the street from the Washington Monument. This was convenient because the monument was only 2 miles from where I started my night. I have no idea what this lawn was in front of, but I’m hoping it was an embassy. Because technically, that would be the territory of whatever country owned that embassy, and no drinking story could top, “One thing led to another and I ended up passing out in Bangladesh.”
- Since that wasn’t comfortable enough, I walked over a mile to my office where I knew there was a heating vent. Unfortunately, a homeless guy had already claimed this. But since I had spent 20 minutes getting here, I’ll be damned if I wasn’t passing out near this heating vent. It was also fun having a man with no possessions offer me one of his blankets. The good news is that I can’t dip any lower in 2008. Having a homeless man decide you look too decrepit for even him is a new low here.
- I have no idea what actually happened, but I’m pretty sure I fucked up my best chance of getting laid in the next 3 months. I don’t remember leaving, but remember I was pissed off leaving. And she hasn’t gotten back to me since then.

So to summarize the beginning of 2008, I was pathetic to a homeless man and have no pussy in the foreseeable future. Also, my dad called on New Year's to make sure I was still alive. I'm not sure how much he was joking, but based on the night I had, it was probably a good call. Looks like there’s nowhere else to go but up for the rest of 2008.