Barney Endorsements

Like I said, we’re churning out episodes here at the Barney Show in response to demand (of one person). With the primary season in full bloom (I’m really sorry. I could not think of anything better than “bloom”. I have the vocabulary of a 4th grader sometimes), and candidates dropping out and endorsing other candidates, I’m here to endorse my own choices.

First we have the official comedian of the Barney Show: Daniel Tosh
I saw this guy live a year or so ago and laughed my ass off (he made a joke about Corey Liddle’s piloting skills like 3 days after he crashed then asked, “Too soon?” That alone made his whole set a classic). At least from what I can remember. I was drunk off my ass that night. I saw him on Comedy Central the other night and my thoughts were confirmed. The reason he’s the official comedian of the Barney Show is that his stand up is just like my writing: completely non-sensical. He makes a joke that one person gets, and is perfectly fine with it. He trails off on side stories. It’s just like I’m writing his stuff, except that his stuff is good.

The official college football player of The Barney Show was Darren McFadden obviously. I didn’t even need to give this out. I hadn’t had a man crush on a college basketball player yet, but last night I found the official player. We may not be to man crush levels yet, but he’s got my endorsement. The lucky player: Eric Maynor. Who you ask? He plays for Virginia Commonwealth. Who you ask again? They beat Duke in the NCAAs last year (for that alone he would have gotten some consideration). He had the best non Durant-Oden performance I saw all year when he went on a 9-0 run by himself against George Mason to get his team to the tournament. And then I was watching the rematch against GMU Tuesday night and even though they lost, he had me. One drive and kick sealed the deal (I might be the only basketball commentator who bases his favorites on a drive and fucking kick). It really was a thing of beauty (Another example of misplaced priorities. I consider a dribble and pass pretty. I need help), you have to believe me. Not enough to boost a team in the Barney Standings? There was a picture of him on the internet this week drunk, wearing sunglasses at night and giving the cameraman the middle finger. That’s enough for me. If I can watch you beat Duke while singing “Sunglasses at Night”, that’s all I ask for really.

So Daniel Tosh and Eric Maynor, you have the least prestigious award you can get: A Barney Show Endorsements. Actually, I’d start saving my money now if I were you because that’s like the kiss of death. All bandwagon’s I jump on careen horribly into oncoming traffic.