Monday Morning Hangover - Week 3

If this weeks edition of Monday Morning Hangover sounds angry, it’s because I’m writing this at 8:15 at night on the train home. Hooray 12+ hour days!! Anyway, since nothing good came out of this weekend, we’re handing out fuck you’s (and a tribute to one of my favorite cinematic scenes of all time.)

Fuck You Houston Nutt for losing with the best player in the country. At the next place you coach (since you’re obviously getting fired after this season), try and recruit a quarterback who can throw better than an injured retard.

Fuck You the company I work for. You’re having a happy hour on Friday that I will not be able to attend because I will most likely be working late Friday. As if the 60 + hours I’ve worked before Friday at 5 pm wasn’t enough, you had to schedule it at a bar named McFadden’s. $1 drinks + 2 hours = Barney screaming at co-workers, “Darren McFadden is a bad motherfucker. What you know about my boy? Huh, Penn State grads? Oh I forgot. Curtis Enis and Kijana Carter worked out so well. Fuck You. The Big Ten sucks. Go play I-AA.” I was hoping my official pink slip included the words, “Complex against the Big Ten.”

Fuck You Jon Kitna. First you say God healed you’re concussion last week (besides being blasphemous, it’s a little insulting that He didn’t heal any of mine.) Then you go and put up 446 yards against me in fantasy WHILE LOSING BY 5 TOUCHDOWNS. This single performance might be the reason I don’t play fantasy football next year, because if someone loses by 35 I think they should not be allowed to score any points.

Fuck You Multiple Leagues. I hate having to make a decision like, “Well, if Chicago plays well tonight, I still have an outside chance at winning $450. However, if Chicago’s defense plays bad, I don’t get clobbered in fantasy.” Most people would look at this as a win/win situation. I look at it as lose/lose because of my general outlook on life. Plus I hate losing more than enjoy winning. Reason # two I might have to drop fantasy football next year.

Fuck You Joe Gibbs’ play calling. Why was Portis on the sidelines when you’re on the goal line? You could have driven Coughlin one step closer to being fired. You could have kept the Cowboys out of first place by themselves. As a person who drafted Ladell Betts in fantasy, you still shouldn’t have given him the ball there.

Fuck You Media for not letting me know that Wayne Chrebet was getting his number retired this week. I would have driven up to try and scalp a ticket for that. Wayne is the man.

And finally in true 25th Hour shouting at the mirror fashion, Fuck You Barney. Why did you take Denver when you had reservations about it? Why did you accept additional responsibilities at work that will obviously drive you insane? Why have you drank so much the past few months that you’re stomach feels the need to only hold down 500 calories a day? Fuck you douche bag.

I have to give props to my highlight of the week. Speaking of the 25th Hour, let’s have Barry Pepper give the quote: “Fuck the Times, I read the Post.” In the Post’s betting line last week, they had an asterisk next to the Patriots-Bills line. Usually, this is when a game is being played at a neutral or different site (i.e. when Green Bay used to play in Milwaukee occasionally). I scroll down to see what’s up with the location and get, “* Caught Cheating.” That killed me for some reason. I almost spit my coffee on my laptop. Pure genius.