The Knicks Intern Girl

My infatuation with the intern from the Knicks trial is over. Despite the fact that she looked like a girl I may or may not have had sexual relations with (I was hammered and can’t remember anything beyond midnight and woke up at her apartment, see my greatest hits), I realized that we could never work because I would not be able to avoid asking too many dumbass questions about that tryst that would eventually piss her off. Among the top questions on my list are:
- Do you still think Marbury still deserves his self awarded title “Coney Island’s Finest”?
- I always think of Starbury as a “shoot first” type of player? Is this assumption still valid? (You know what I mean)
- If this assumption is not valid, maybe Steph would be better served as the point guard of the Liberty so he pass the ball every once in awhile instead of dribbling it all over the goddamn court.
- I know Bassie probably does it, but did Steph put a gun to your head while you had consensual sex in the back of the truck like Richie Apriel did with Janice Soprano in season 2? (That question pained me as much as it did you because I had the mental recollection of that scene and it was not pretty.) Just trying to see if that type of thing runs in the family. I think Bassie probably does this by accident. “Oh, sorry, there’s a gun lying right there. I probably should move it before you lie face down, ass up on that.”
- Did Marbury wear his $15 Starbury’s to the strip club? I’m not sure which would be funnier. Marbury not wearing his signature shoes out, leaving that to the “common folk” or him actually wearing them to the Mt. Vernon strip club. I made a firm decision tonight that if I’m ever at a strip club wearing $15 sneakers, it’s because I’m getting one last look at titties before I ride the bullet train to a coffin because my life sucks so much that I’m out socially with $15 sneakers. (It’s a circular reference, but work with me)
- Have you ever slept with Nate Robinson because that seems like it would be a hell of a story? Did he “lob the ball to himself” 17 times before he got it to work? Judging by his on court performance, I imagine he wasn’t too concerned with you getting off. True or un-true? (No response on Nate’s sexual deviancies could surprise me. I honestly picture him jumping onto the bed Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka style onto his groupies because he’s Nate freakin’ Robinson and it just seems like something he’d do.) Actually, upon further review, I think he has a diving board above his bed, like that chick in Hot Shots: Part Duex has.
- Why not David Lee? (I will continue to advocate for more playing time for that man until the day I die)
- Why are you still talking to me? I’ve used consultant speak throughout this conversation, threw in a Microsoft Excel reference and used the 2006 Slam Dunk Contest as a sexual euphemism. Do I not rate a 10 out of 10 on the dork scale to you? No, I don’t? And you have no problems with me asking about Marbury? Ok, this relationship might work. (Note to self: It’s not emotionally healthy to base a relationship around cheap jokes about the sexual lives of the New York Knicks. But in the grand scheme of things, this might be a step in the right direction for my “emotionally constipated” ass.) Just as long as we agree on this: if we do get married, I get to cite the train wreck that is the New York Knicks franchise as the thing that brought us together. That and the fact that I have broke the record for most black people at an Irish wedding previously held by David Caruso in “King of New York.” (Judging by your contingent, you too are familiar with the black community. Yes, I’m sure they’re just your “friends”.) You’re ok with that? Ok, I’m back infatuating over you.
Update: My infatuation with the Knicks Trial Girl has been halted. I have moved on to Hope Solo, US Women’s soccer team goalie, in my random chick, 3 day infatuation search. You can brood all you want with me. I will not discuss Star Wars. I think this could work.