Knicks Trial

Note: This was in fact written before Sports Guys Knicks analysis, I was just too swamped at work to post. Not too much is the same though. And I did this completely off the top of my head, no references needed.

You should be disappointed in me that I haven’t said anything about the Knicks sexual harassment case. I really dropped the ball on this one. In case you’re not familiar, here were some of the things we learned:

A Knicks intern dated Stephon Marbury’s cousin. The said intern had consensual sex with Starbury in the back of a truck after meeting up at a strip club. Coney Island’s Finest’s pick up line was “You getting in the truck?” (I knew I should have worked a lot harder on my jumper. All those hours in the gym would more than be worth it if that’s all I needed as a pick up line.)

But don’t say Starbury isn’t a classy dude. He did text her later on saying “I want some more of that.”

Isiah Thomas revealed that its ok for a black man to refer to a woman as a bitch, but a white guy doing it is worse (I suddenly feel like Chad from the Mad Real World for some reason. Let’s hope they don’t put David Lee in a sleeper hold because when he wakes up, his anus will really hurt).

James Dolan fires people involved in sexual harassment cases without consulting his lawyers (He probably did it while saying, “I’m James Dolan bitch.” Wait, we’ll need a ruling on this…Isiah can James Dolan call someone a bitch even though he’s white?)

Stephon Marbury doesn’t take being on the stand seriously and then commented on sportswriters shoes while leaving the courtroom (this coming from a man who hawks $15 sneakers).

Those are the main points. There’s some things about sexual harassment in there, but they’re not important. I think we’ve figured out that Steph is bat shit crazy this summer (even Arenas called him nuts, which is like me saying someone has a drinking problem). Between this, his random interviews and blog, I think Steph’s taking Bassie’s fall a little hard. He’s not like eccentric crazy, more like he’s off his pills crazy.

But enough about Steph. I think I’ve found a way to relieve my stress. Anytime I wonder how I’m going to get all this stuff done at work, I can just say to myself, “Wait a minute, Isiah can run a premier franchise into the ground, lose millions of dollars, sexually harass whoever he wants and still have job security. They won’t fire me if my TPS report is a little late.” I’ll be sure to cite Zeke when I get referred to management. By the way, if Zach Randolph’s smart, that’ll be his defense for his next sexual assault case.

And finally, I think the big outcome of this court case is that I did a double take when I first saw the intern. She looked like this girl I think I hooked up with (I was absolutely hammered that night. I did wake up on her couch. We’ll delve into this night more when I start churning out episodes of Barney’s greatest drinking hits since I work too many hours to have anything beyond, “I drank for two hours and passed out from exhaustion” lately). So some how this Knick trial has upped my outlook on life: I have to have job security if Zeke can stay employed and I might be able to pull some “Stephon Marbury random one night stand strip club” chicks. Barney, you’re moving up in the world. Next stop, its “I left the office before 5, I see actual sunlight, maybe I’ll try this work/life balance thing I’ve been hearing about.”