Weekend Musings

I thought I had a brilliant idea. Usually when I’m too hungover from the night before to get out of bed on the weekend, and don’t have anything particularly important to do, I try the hair of the dog method of dealing with it, and start drinking bourbon. FYI, I’ve started this at 7:30 am occasionally. So Friday at work was so bad that I came home and just started housing bourbon. I probably had about 300 mL in an hour on an empty stomach. This was sufficient to make me pass out for a half hour, which after I woke up, realized I wasn’t going to fall back asleep decided that the best course of action would be to go drink some more. I went to this bar that had the greatest thing ever: Jack on the rock for $7.50. Normally this would be outrageous until you realize that they filled up a 12 oz plastic cup. Then it’s the best deal ever. So after two of those, I was sufficiently hammered to go meet up with some girls from work. I’m not really sure why I was there, but I think I just needed to go out somewhere (a great explanation if I’ve ever heard it.) Next thing I know its 3 am and I’m at some diner (that’s the honest truth; I do not remember anything between 1 and 3).
So waking up on Saturday was painful. Too painful in fact to deal with it, so the ingestion of liquor begins. Usually, this is an effective way of dealing with it if A) you have several hours to kill and B) You ingest plenty of Gatorade, water and juice along with the liquor. Unfortunately, I didn’t do B. So I ended up walking into the supermarket about 6 o’clock and going right to the bathroom and puking. I thought I got it all out, but upon pulling up to my place, vomited what appeared to be pure stomach acid in the parking lot. I’m going ashy to classy, baby. This whole episode had me reconsidering if I should be drinking anymore. By 9 pm however, I was back on the horse. And boy was it great. (I know all three of you reading this were enthralled by my description of a drinking experience that I neither remember nor was very interesting besides puking in a supermarket. Don’t worry, you’ll get those three minutes of your life back eventually. It’ll be made up during my intervention when you can site this as an example without having to describe everything.)

Other stuff from the weekend:
The highlight of the weekend was hearing Bill Walton in the second half of the US-Canada game. The US was up 30, 40 points and they needed to kill time. Bill had this gem: “Though this isn’t Canada’s proudest moment, let us not forget the impact they’ve had on our lives.” He then proceeded to list all the inventions that Canadians have done. Even better in the Canadian fun facts was when he said that Canada had the second largest land area behind, “The Soviet Union.” Apparently the Cold War is still going on in Bill’s head. He’s still my favorite announcer, at least for 40 point blow outs.

Saw Superbad. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed as hard as in the first 30 minutes of that movie. It probably would have been even more enjoyable if I hadn’t drunk a few shots before going in and had to piss like a racehorse the last 30 minutes. I was trying to not laugh and piss myself. Plus, high school Barney can identify with the plot of having to find alcohol and trying to hook up with high school girls (It was basically just like any of my high school nights. Don’t get the right kind of alcohol. Get way too drunk because I haven’t figured out drinking yet. Don’t hook up with anyone because of it. Walk around a neighborhood.) I probably enjoyed that more than most, because sober Barney is still just like Evan in that movie around girls. No wonder I drink so much. I’m a blundering idiot at times.

The worst part of the weekend was having to pay $400 to get new tires and a few other things done to my car so I could pass the state safety inspection. Was not expecting that much of a hit. Fuckin A man. The only redeemable thing is that listening to the new UGK album makes me think I’m driving a caddy on 26s with candy paint instead of the piece of shit Lumina I have. For three minutes or so, I forget that I’m driving a car for 80 year olds. I highly recommend it (the UGK album, not the purchase of a Lumina).