FREE OOKIE!!!

I came to a decision at 2:45 am last night (as usual my best thinking occurs at this hour), that I’m going to support Michael Vick. Now, I don’t believe for a second that he is innocent. But in the spirit of “innocent until proven guilty” (despite what Hov and R Kelly say), I’m going to support him. Ok, its not really on those principals, but entirely selfish reasons. Here are the real reasons The Barney Show’s new motto is “FREE OOKIE!!!”

1. As I wrote last week, this has become the most over blown thing in the history of media (with the possible exception of the Paris Hilton jail fiasco). Apparently Vick is the anti-Christ now. There have been a few articles about how this is ridiculous, so the pendulum is beginning to swing a bit, but not enough. We treat convicted terrorists better than him. The Free Ookie campaign is mostly going on because people are losing their minds. Let’s keep it in perspective people.

2. I too know the effects of animal cruelty and its effects on sports. My senior year of high school we were seeded # 2 (should have been # 1 but we had to forfeit a game for reasons I won’t go into now for fear of smashing my computer). Our star power forward and most athletic player (could touch the top of the box off one step easily) was convicted of ordering his dog to attack and kill a cat. What was particular damaging to his case was that there were witnesses testifying that he laughed while the cat was being attacked .He was the first to be convicted under new, stricter animal cruelty in our county. So he ended up spending a few days in jail over a dead fuckin’ cat. Unfortunately, these days in prison coincided with practices before the playoffs. So he came in and played on a Saturday without picking up a ball in a week and spending time in prison. He was not Kobe and his rust was evident and eventually contributed to our upset loss. I would kill a hundred fucking cats if we won the championship. A few dogs would be a small price to pay for an Atlanta Super Bowl in my mind.

3. The Barney Show also supports the Carmelo Anthony “Stop Snitchin’” program as well. And since Vick’s cousin turned witness last week (the same guy who probably hasn’t had to work a day in the past 5 years because of Vick), I can’t turn my back on Melo. With Iverson’s comments earlier, the Denver Nuggets definitely support Vick.

4. If Vick does beat this, it makes PETA and the federal government look bad. And if there’s two organizations that need to look bad, those are two very good ones to start. I loved the Jimmy Kimmel line about what PETA does if a bear is attacking a human. What a bunch of douchebags. If I get rich, right after I hire Jimmy King to watch my money, I’m buying the most offensive fur/animal coat ever, learning my rights with regards to what I can do to people who spray paint coats, and going as far as the law allows me in whooping their asses when they fuck up my girl’s coat.

5. Someone needs to keep making money for Marcus Vick to continue his hi-jinks. I don’t think Momma Vick is raking enough and those underage girls aren’t going to get drunk on their own.

6. I hold a special place in my heart “Old Number 7.” Just seeing his black jersey makes me think of Good Ol’ Jack.

7. Finally, I don’t want to remember Vick as the guy who wasted his career as a dogfighter. I tried to think of anything in sports more exciting than when Vick gets out of the pocket. I didn’t think that hard, but nothing came to mind (except of course anytime Ron Artest does anything, but that’s neither here nor there). I still want to experience that and not feel dirty for doing so.

So on that note Free Ookie and No Communist Strippers are the two hallmarks this blog will be based on.