Draft Recap

Random notes from last nights draft:

- Thank you ESPN for having me rush home, disregard my dry cleaning when they have three of my pants, because I didn’t want to miss anything because you said it started at 7. I turn on the tv and you have a count down to the start of the draft and its at 28 minutes. Now I had to wear my worst pair of pants to work. My job isn’t like Cold Pizza where I can just walk around naked:
http://www.nypost.com/seven/06292007/news/nationalnews/espns_grope_dopes_nationalnews_kati_cornell.htm
My only regret is that Skip Bayless wasn’t implicated as well.
- Greg Oden’s hilarious. I’m a fan of this guy for life if only because he said in his blog that he wants Nike to do a commercial for him with a Lil’ Penny like character. How many 19 year olds know about Lil’ Penny? Kids these days don’t know about the important things.
- Kevin Durant apparently played basketball for 9-10 hours a day when he was 10 years old. Even my workaholic self was impressed by that. The first time I saw Durant play was when he played at the Garden. I saw five minutes and fell asleep or changed the channel or something. That’s all I needed to see that he was the truth. When the hype on him started around January, I wasn’t surprised at all, and I hadn’t seen him play since then. My reaction was, “Yup, that’s a bad man right there.”
- I officially hate Joakim Noah. First off, don’t wear a seersucker suit and claim you rep NYC. And this whole “I’m a thug” thing needs to stop. All street cred was lost when they said that your mom was Miss Sweden. Stop acting like that and maybe we can talk. At least I didn’t hear you say “Dem Gator Boys.” Enjoy the winter in Chicago prick.
- Good to see Tim Duncan get his Fuck You commercial from Adidas. He needs to remind people that he’s the best player since Jordan from time to time in case people forget. Granted it wasn't in the same league as Reggie Bush and Vince Young antagonizing Houston in terms of Draft Fuck You Commercials, but it was good none the less. I wouldn't be surprised if those two started riots in Houston. If I were a Texans fan, I know I would have wanted to (Its great having Mangini running the J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets. I feel completely comfortable making draft jokes these days. I was even hoping for the Jets draft blunders montage just to reminisce, but the didn't show it this year. Oh well)
- I wish I had Tivo so I could do things like check to see if Fran Fraschilla really said Yi “is hip hop, is 50 Cent”.
- Speaking of Yi, Stuart Scott asked him, "What is it best that you like about America?" I think they should have brought in Colbert to ask this question. "What is it that you like best about America? The capitalism? Democracy? It's the freedom, right?" We'll have more political commentary at the draft later on.
- By the end of the night I was pretty drunk (big surprise there). Bourbon and Guinness were involved, but yet I digress. I was writing notes so I would have some idea what to write about the next morning and the last thing I wrote was “FUCK THE SUNS OWNER” after he sold his first draft pick. Portland picked the guy that would be a good fit with them (Rudy Fernandez). His team has a chance to win the title next year and he’s selling picks. Un-freakin-beliveable. If I was Steve Nash I’d feel pissed on. If you’re a sports owner, do you really need to worry about making money? So you lose a few million a year. You’re only worth $437 million instead of $441 million. You make most of your money when you sell the team and the franchise’s value has increased anyway. And how do you increase your franchise’s value? I’m pretty sure winning championships is a good way to do it.
- I think I laughed every time Jay Bilas said that a player needed to “Improve Ball Control Skills.” If only I had my friend Beavis sitting next to me, we could have really had some laughs.

And now we get to my three favorite parts of the night.
1. On their draft ticker, ESPN had “Stephen A. Smith’s Needs Assessment” for each team. Seattle’s was “NEEDS KEVIN DURANT.” That killed me for some reason. Probably because I assumed that he would turn of the Stephen A. Smith button while writing, but apparently not.
2. Julian Wright saying that his favorite ESPN announcer was Stephen A. and that he didn’t want to do an impression of him for fear of pissing him off. Then they cut to Stephen A. who had the goofiest of goofy grins on. Highly entertaining (2 entertaining Stephen A. Smith moments? What were the odds of that happening?)
3. And finally, while Stuart Scott was interviewing Spencer Hawes it was revealed that his truck has a bumper sticker that says “God Bless George W. Bush.” When’s the first team hunting trip with him, Brad Miller and hopefully Ron Artest? We can only hope that this leads to Spencer and Ron Ron discussing politics and possibly doing a Sacramento version of Hannity and Colmes. Reggie Theus could even be the moderator. He has tv experience. Make it happen David Stern.

And yes, I realize that my three favorite moments featured Stephen A. Smith and Stu Scott. I know, I’m scared too.