RTC: He Got Game

I’ve been gone for a minute but I’m back. I took a brief vacation to go back to the West End. I didn’t have topics to post about while there (well I probably did, but was too drunk to remember them). We’re starting a new thing here on The Barney Show: “Reviewing the Classics”. On these episodes (I’m calling blog posts episodes for two reasons. One, it gives me a reason to call it The Barney Show. Second, when I say on the next episode, I’ll get that classic Dre beat going in my head. You can’t be upset if picture Snoop blowing massive amounts of haze while a stripper is in the background and that beat is in your head. It’s pretty much impossible.) I’ll review the positives and negatives of a movie that I feel are of high quality. I’m going to avoid reviewing actual classics because I feel that there’s no way my writing could do justice to how good movies like The Godfather is. Instead, I’ll be focusing on movies that most normal people would not consider classics, but on ones that pretty much only I consider important movies that everyone should watch. Alright, not everyone. Just people that have multiple head injuries so their sense of reality is distorted. First up, He Got Game.
Plus: It’s a movie about basketball. I’d give pretty much any movie about this at least a chance (except Crossover. I will never watch a movie where Wayne Brady is a streetball villain). There are some great basketball scenes in it, most notably where they’re playing pick up in the park and the Aaron Copland music is playing the “Beef, its what’s for dinner” song. The highlight is when Booger (that name’s another plus), pulls out the paper from his sock and goes, “We the Lincoln Railsplitters. What, you ain’t read the paper that day?” And if you think I didn’t keep a copy of my picture in Newsday with me, on the off chance that I could say that, you don’t know me.
Plus: Public Enemy soundtrack. The title track where they sample “There’s something happening” is great. Plus, looking watching it on DVD these days, I get flashbacks of Flava of Love.
Plus: Jim Brown as a probation officer. Whoever did that casting job should have gotten a bonus. Me and my roommates in college used to play the “Baddest Man on the Planet” game where we debated which person would intimidate you the most if you were locked in an empty room with them and they were pissed (It had to be a celebrity though. I mean, you couldn’t just say some random guy out in Folsom.) Ray Lewis and Roy Jones, Jr. in their primes were always good choices. My point is, that if you had to play all time, I think Jim Brown would win it hands down. The man was in his 60s during this movie and I was still afraid of him.
Plus: Rosario Dawson as LaLa. Any movie that features her calling someone Papi gets bonus points. Also, this was the first big movie that she was in, so it was a major discovery for my 15 year old brain. The fact that she gets naked in it doesn’t hurt either. Her actions in this movie also taught me never to trust women even if you’re the # 1 recruit in the nation. If he can get cheated on, anyone can. When I’m single and bitter in 30 years, this probably will get moved to the negative column.
Plus: The entire college recruiting trip scene. This completely destroyed my college recruiting trips for me. I kept looking around for the white girls that wouldn’t require me to kick my roommate out, and would let me drive Daddy’s Benz. I guess my first hint this wasn’t going to happen was that Rick Fox didn’t greet me in a Kangol.
Plus: Booger as Jesus Shuttlesworth’s cousin. This guy had great lines. I mentioned the paper one earlier, plus “I feel sexy when I’m on the court” and walking around with a sign that said “HE DEOSN’T KNOW YET”. Plus any movie is enhanced by someone named Booger.
Plus: The opening credits. This made me miss basketball so much. Spike Lee just captures the beauty of the game. Plus, Booger Smith NYC Playground legend is in it. And like 0.03 % of the population could identify him 10 years after he was in a Sports Illustrated article. That’s why you need me reviewing movies for you, for insight like that. Now you understand where Booger the PG on Lincoln comes from.
Plus: Big Time. In pretty much any other movie, this would be the “Reason you should see this movie” that will be further down. This guy should have gotten his own movie. If I could actually have put it down, this exchange would have been my high school yearbook quote:Big Time: How do you spell pussy?
Booger: P-U
Big Time: H-I-V

That my friends, is hilarious. “the pussy be talking to you Jesus”. Plus the fact that he was the only one not on Ray Allen’s nuts was fun. He provided nothing to the plot except for an entertaining as hell 5 minutes.

Plus: Ray Allen shooting jump shots to open the movie. I may have problems that I consider that more beautiful than Rosario Dawson topless.
Plus: George Karl commenting as coach of the Sonics about his future player in Milwaukee. Apparently, he didn’t hold the same respect for Ray Allen as he did for Jesus.
Plus: The role call scene in the locker room. This only gets a plus because we did this on a bus ride home from a game back in high school and I completely froze up and couldn’t think of anything after “my name is…”
Plus: The scene where Jesus and Lala get it on in a Ferris Wheel, and the quick release that Jesus had. This led to the great quote from my friend’s dad, “If that’s how long he lasted, he ain’t my man anymore.”
And the final plus: Gus Johnson is the announcer when Lincoln wins the PSAL championships.

Minus: The actual plot itself. Has anyone ever actually sat down and analyzed what the plot of this movie is? In a nutshell, a convicted murderer is allowed out of prison to try and convince his All-American son to go to a particular school so that his prison time can be reduced. I mean, what is the actual probability that this happens? 1% tops? I don’t care how much the governor loves Big State, he’s not risking the him not being hard on criminals so they can go to the Final Four. Could you imagine the political fallout if this ever went public? Let’s just move on before my head explodes.
Minus: The way college coaches completely sold out to appear in this movie. I mean, show some class guys and turn a movie that depicts you accurately as blood sucking leeches down. And yes, I’m still mad that Dean Smith was in that montage and Coach K held out. Fucking Duke bastards.
Minus: The ending. Did this make sense to anyone? Why shoot the ball into various arenas? This was like that Jordan-Bird McDonald’s commercial where they shot it through interstates and stuff except that the film version served no point. I’m still mad at this ending today. Could have made it a classic, instead its relegated to me reviewing it.
Minus: The whole hooker with a heart subplot. Does anyone in the theater say, “Hey, I want to know what a convicted murderer does for sex on the off chance that he gets out because his son is the best high school prospect in the country,”? Absolutely not. So why include this? To get Milla Jovovich involved? I’m completely baffled as to why this was included. It’s just a forward button part of the movie for me.

And finally, the Reason You Should Watch This Movie: the sex scenes. Ray Allen going down that dorm hallway to meet Buffy and Suzy gives me goose bumps. Rick Fox’s, “Brooklyn is definitely in the house,” deserves an Oscar at some point for its sheer brilliance. Add in the Big Time sex montage as well as Rosario Dawson getting naked and you have the recipe for dynamite sex scenes. As a guy who was in high school when this came to video (no dvd’s back then), this was a great movie to own just for the fact that it doubled as a porno. I could watch it anytime as a basketball movie and then when the house was empty, fast forward to Buffy and Suzy and have 2 minutes of bliss. This movie is completely underrated in this aspect. And that’s one of the reasons it’s a Barney Show classic.