“Sorry boys, but all the strippers in the world can’t bring me back. Lay down, lay down. Gonna stretch my legs out at the Garden. Always knew my contract would end up there, but a whole lot earlier than Isiah thought. The last of the real Jailblazers. Well, maybe not the last. Zach Jr’s gonna be a good player. New improved Z-Bo. I quit. I’m traded. Ain’t enough chicks to run a train on in this town. Sorry Damon, I tried. Honest. Can’t go with me on this ride. I’m taking Curry’s shots. Bars closing. Which strippers are we taking home with us…Hoops Family, y’all.”
- Zach Randolph upon hearing that he was traded
So that’s it. No Jail Blazers left to negatively influence Greg Oden. I know it makes the league better, but I’m going to miss those guys. No taking weed through airports in tin foil. No dog fighting before Michael Vick made it newsworthy. No registered sex offenders. JR Rider was on the team for three years and he didn’t even stand out. He just spit on a fan and got three games.
As for the Zach Randolph trade, I couldn’t be more excited to see him in New York. I can’t wait for him appearing in Page Six every other week with more tales of his hijinx at Scores. I fell in love with Z-Bo when he appeared on MTV cribs and his pool table had a Star of David on it for some reason. He also had my favorite sex scandal of the 2006 off season when him and the Hoops Fam ran a train on some chick (allegedly). For all your reading delights, here are the details:
http://www.oregonlive.com/pdfs/blazers/zach_memo092006.pdf
Warning!!! Don’t read this at work or with small children, it’s pretty graphic.
My favorite part is that after all this, they planned on going to the Portland Art Museum the next day. Let me run a train on you, then we’ll catch some classical music. That’s completely normal.
As for the basketball part of this trade, I’m sure playing Eddy Curry, Zach, Marbury and Jamal Crawford at the same time will set team basketball back at least 30 years, possibly more (and that’s before Nate Robinson gets off the bench). It also keeps David Lee more on the bench, who is the only player who seems to get it on that team. We’re not even going to get into how this affects them defensively. I’m really hoping that Curry, Randolph and Jerome James make it onto the floor at the same time. Just seeing those three out there would keep me from eating a cheeseburger for weeks. Just another brilliant trade by Isaiah where he gets the better player with no thought into how to build this into a team.
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