I'm not in rehab

“So people ask, where you been?” – Wreckx N Effect, Ready or Not

Yes, that was just an excuse to start an episode with a quote from NBA Superstars 2, which is part of the greatest DVD ever created, the NBA Superstars Collection, which includes all three volumes of the classics. Yet, I digress. The big thing is that you, the avid reader have probably been wondering, “With war in the Middle East, upcoming 2008 elections and a new show about Scott Baio’s love life in the world these days, I keep coming back to wondering if Barney’s ok.” No, I haven’t gone to rehab, but that would be a good guess (in fact, I’m trying to memorize Amy Winehouse’s “Rehab” to sing at karaoke bars. It might be my anthem once I have my first intervention). No, I haven’t been trekking to Las Vegas and LA to welcome Lindsay Lohan out of rehab either. I was going to say that I’ve decided life isn’t worth living in a world where Sportscenter debates who’s more “now” whatever that means, but I won’t lie, I’ve been working. 16 hour days kind of take the energy to write out of me. And coming home and immediately drinking all the time doesn’t help either. Basically, I’ve been a one man count down to one of those “exhaustion” trips to the hospital that celebrities make.
And to my credit, I did write something on July 6th, but decided I didn’t like it. If I thought it wasn’t good, I can only imagine what you would have thought. It was pretty much 2000 words about a drinking story that doesn’t go anywhere beyond “I like booze and so do the people I’m drinking with.”
So what have I been doing in the hour a day between working and sleeping besides taking a shower? Well, I’ve gone into a big Three Six Mafia phase. I don’t know why either. When I think overworked white collar workers, I immediately associate the with the Oscar winners. Maybe I’ve just given up any album coming out that’s any good anymore and have gone the other way and decided to embrace the most ignorant stuff ever. If it’s going to be ignorant, at least it should have a good beat. I can’t wait to get in my car and sing “I’m ridin’ spinners, I’m ridin spinners” while driving a Chevy Lumina. And I’m not lying either.
Ron Artest and the possible trade to the Knicks made my head explode. If he did get traded, I might quit my job, move back in with my parents, and sell my kidney to pay for season tickets. I don’t think I could pass up watching Marbury, Crawford, Artest, Randolph and Curry play together. They might have be the first team to have more arrests than assists over the course of a season. Then he decided to go to Africa, which I don’t think I have the writing ability to describe the hilarity, so I just won’t talk about it.
Finally, I was going to include this in the cancelled episode, but I’m not sure if you caught the Nathan’s Hot Dog eating contest. Not only was it the greatest hour of television, possibly ever, but I saw a picture of it the next day that gave me hope in the midst of being chewed out by corporate executives (see above). Yes, that’s Drew Gooden’s haircut on the judge in the front row, and God willing, this will become a bigger trend. That just might even things out for the horrors that “Who’s Now” has wrought.