My friend LA has a press pass to tonights Wizards-Knicks game. After she turned down my offer of giving her my liver (I have no idea why she declined it) for this priviledge, I did the next best thing and submitted a list of questions to ask tonight. Brock even got involved and sent me a list of questions he wanted asked, most of which were too overtly sexual and were not included. So here's the list:
To Isiah Thomas:
“What league were you referring to when you said you felt this team could win a championship in 5 years?”
“Who throws better parties: Marbury in his truck, Zach Randolph in Portland or Jerome James’s Fried Chicken parties?”
“You’ve been quiet with regard to trade rumors. Are you getting any calls from any teams, specifically Sacramento and Ron Artest?”
“Are you looking for any interns?”
“Have you ever substituted Zach Randolph for Randolph Morris? If so, have you said “Zach, get in for Morris" to avoid confusion. And if you’ve done this, do you get flashbacks to Saved by the Bell because that’s what I get when I looked at your roster?”
“Has anyone ever bought out the contracts of their entire starting line up? If not, will you be the first?”
“Can you offer me a mid-level exception this summer?”
To Zach Randolph:
“Your pool table in Portland had the Star of David on it. I saw it on MTV Cribs. Did you bring that with you to New York?”
“Can any strip clubs in Portland compare with Scores?”
To Jared Jefferies:
“How does it feel to return to Washington? Any comments on the fact that after you left, they signed a player to replace you at half the price that’s twice as good as you?”
“As a Indiana alum, on a scale to 1-10, how embarrassed are you to be linked with Isiah? 43? That would be my guess.”
To David Lee:
“Why don’t you play more? Do you ever want to run up to your coach and go, ‘I’m the only one on this team that rebounds.’?”
To Jerome James:
“You’ve scored 4 points total all season and are getting paid $5.8 million. Have you been indicted in any states for theft?”
“Do you and all decedents of you thank God every night that Isiah Thomas is so dumb?”
To Nate Robinson:
“Do you do cocaine? Because it wouldn’t surprise me.”
"Any plans to play on West 4th St in May? Because you know the Knicks won’t be playing then.”
So check the papers tomorrow to see if any of these questions got asked. I'm not getting my hopes up.
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Ok, since I know you were eagerly anticipating the results of last night's game, LA did not get to interview any of the Knicks because she wasn't able to get to their locker room. She did however, see Z Bo throw a cup of water at Nate Robinson, who then threw a towel in return. And I convinced her to make a White Men Can't Jump reference in her article. So the night wasn't a total loss.
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