Top 7 Drunk Songs

We’re about to embark on the most ambitious Top 7 list I’ve ever made. Ok, here’s the scenario: You’re at a bar/club. It’s 2 in the morning and you’re at the point where you’re drunk, but not completely bombed. In short, you’re on the alcohol high that is so hard to get just right. What song do you want to hear being played at this very minute? To limit this somewhat, I’m set the rules to this: Only one song by an artist or group and it has to have been released as a single. One, to limit it, two, because I want to youtube link to each video. You might disagree with me (in fact, I’m pretty sure you will), but fuck it, this is my blog and I’ll write whatever I want. Let’s start off with the Top 7 that didn’t make the list:

Honorable Mention (in no particular order)
2pac, “California Love”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWOsbGP5Ox4

Montell Jordan, “This is How We Do It”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhwjAaDKFRU

Snoop Doggy Dog, “What’s My Name?” – Put this on and set the over/under on number of people I say, “You don’t love me, you just love my doggy style,” to at 3.5.
Petey Pablo, “Raise Up” – Even better if girls take their shirts off and spin it around their head like a helicopter. Ok, if the right girls do it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-26bRZEedZg

Trick Daddy, “Let’s Go” – Official song of the 2004 Yankees collapse. Not only do you get to hear Lil’ Jon interpret Ozzie Osbourne, I also get to reminisce about “Jeter Sucks, A-Rod Swallows” jokes. I have to be the only person who gets choked up on Lil Jon and Trick Daddy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZZbTu0yfEY

Big Pun, “Still Not a Player” – Getting to tell a girl, “You couldn’t measure my dick with six rulers” beats any negatives from getting a mental picture of Big Pun’s gut while sitting on the motorcycle in the video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwEqTbaFVXU


And now we get to the actual Top 7. Some of the things that factored in to making this prestigious list were beat, misogynistic lyrics, and surprisingly, a good intro. Without further ado, let’s start.

7. Jay-Z, “I Just Wanna (Love You)”
It was tough to pick the one song from Hov I’d like to hear, but in the end I chose this one. The lyrics put this one over the top: “When the Remy’s in the system…” “Ma, but you gotta ride nice dick…” and “Bublin’ in Dublin”. All statements I want to be saying at 2 am. Probably Jay’s most fun lyrics, unless you can sing “Is That Your Chick?” to a guy whose girlfriend you’re banging.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHOK0QLEQYM

6. Noreaga, “Superthug”
The simplest chorus ever made the list. Why? Because the beat is ridulous. I would love to hear Pharell going, “You found Manuel Noreaga? In the Philippines?” then wait for the beat to kick in and just go bananas. The only song on this list that would result in me being in a mosh pit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkdEimUipqw

5. Biggie, “Hypnotize”
Same issue we had with Jay. Ultimately, the chorus put it over the top of because I can just substitute “Biggie” with “Barney” and make some ridiculous statement. This would also be on the list of worst songs to hear at 4 am to hear because it might result in me driving a car backwards on an interstate looking for Hummer’s chasing me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_S1fUyW6riE

4. Three 6 Mafia, “Poppin’ My Collar”
The first time I heard this song I was in love with it. And what would a best drunken songs list be without the Triple Six? This song will always be connected to a weekend at Bucknell when this was just starting to get popular. The only downside to this is if your at a bar with people who already have their collars popped. But then I doubt you’re having fun or that they play this song. And you deserve whatever fate you get. When’s season 2 of Hollyhood start?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wfYrf3ZlPY

3. Juvenile, “Back That Azz Up”
Do I need to say anything more? Ok, I will. Just hearing the intro drop gets you going. You hear that simple string beat going and you get hyped for the madness that’s about to ensue. Bonus points for the manic depressiveness of having Manny Fresh follow Juvenile. The most misogynistic lyrics on this list by far. And if you have the right girls at 2 am, this can be a great song to just sit back and watch to.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WL2txMU50CI

2. Dr Dre, “Last Episode”
Just an incredible beat. I’ll contend that you could just put Chronic 2001 on and have a good party, but this is my favorite (if only that had put the intro to track 12 on this beat). It probably would have been # 5 or 6 but Nate Dogg wraps everything up with, “Smoke weed everyday.” Also, watching the video makes me want to party at 8:45 on a Sunday morning.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsY3dEpgLgk

1. DJ Kool, “Let Me Clear My Throat”
You might be considering this a huge upset, and to be honest, I would have to agree with you. This comes out of nowhere. But let me ask you this. Have you ever been out and this song comes on? In-fucking-credible. I was out one time and this came on, and it was the most fun 4 minutes I think I’ve had since I was like 8 and could be entertained by things while sober. If you’re like me, you start of with the intro and think, “Oh, that’s cool, it’s the Ma$e song where he’s in a shiny suit outside a casino. I’m glad I’m not watching the video because I might be blinded.” Then its, “Ohhhhh, noo, it’s “Let Me Clear My Throat”. I haven’t heard this in forever. This was my shit back in the day.” And then you just roll with it for however long the song is. I don’t even remember where I was when this came on, I just remembered the other day how much fun that moment was, and I did my most in-depth Top 7 yet because of it. So if that’s not # 1, I don’t know what else can top it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqfCluBH3qY

I know I’m probably forgetting something. But hey, that’s the quality of writing you get from someone with multiple concussions.