Non Finals NBA Update

Man, I really haven’t written anything in awhile. Guess that’s what happens when you spend all your time working. Not only do you not have time, you’re not doing anything exciting. Lucky for me though, LA continues to attend sporting events with her press pass, so I’ve been getting some good stuff to share with you. She’s now covering WNBA games, which I find hilarious. Even more hilarious was when she got hit on at her first game by a female reporter. Anyway, that was just the warm up in getting hit on. She covered another game this week. She sent me a text message saying Andray Blatche was at the game. A little background on Andray in case you don’t know your NBA backup big men very well. He sat out his first NBA season because of a gunshot wound. He was arrested last summer for soliciting a prostitute in Dupont freakin’ Circle (Not the gulliest of places. Whatever happened to use of the word “gully” anyway? Someone get Star and Bucwild on the phone). And he was arrested earlier this week for a DUI.

First, I was confused because why would an NBA player with loads of disposable income spend a Wednesday night at a WNBA game. You literally walk out of the Verizon Center and there is a bar greeting you. And besides, it’s not Jay Z in concert, it’s the WNBA. I’d rather be at work than watch that. But then I remembered there’s a practice facility in the arena, so maybe Andray was trying to avoid a second duey and was getting some jumpers up. It’s reasonable enough that I’ll let going to a WNBA game slide.

Now when I originally found out LA had a press pass, I was pissed that I finally knew someone with NBA access and they were female. I had a much better chance of getting into an arena after I steal a press pass and leave them in a ditch if it’s a guy. Now I’m reconsidering. Because now, I get to see how NBA players react around white girls. And that allows easy jokes (See the Lebron story last month. I’m not sure if I told this one, but apparently Kobe would not look at her. I’ll let you write the joke here but it led to me telling LA to not take it personal and that this was a policy I highly recommend Kobe continue.) This story takes you into the pick up lines of an NBA player.

I’ll set the scene. Andray is slouching on a couch in the press room, eating a bag of popcorn. He has his posse surrounding him which includes someone who looks like a transvestite. He sees LA and goes, “Baby girl, whatchu getting into later?” I can only imagine what went through her head at that moment. Here you have someone who you know has probably banged a prostitute hitting on you. Do you make a joke about it? Ask if money will be exchanged? Hold out for a Wizard who gets more playing time? (She wants to get with Deshawn Stevenson. I would probably laugh for a week if that happened. Would you call him “underrated”? How’s the tat with his number on his back going? Could you still see the mark from where Lebron whooped his ass? Did he do the “I can’t feel my face” move? Though I personally am hoping for Caron Butler just so I can ask, “So, how tough was his juice?” Though there is no way possible I could ask that with a straight face.)

LA went with the “Sorry, I have a story to write.” I booed her (literally) after hearing this, but took it back when she told me her editor was with her. As much fun as it would be to have someone I know get into an argument with an NBA player, I wouldn’t like not having my best NBA source lose their access (And yes, The Barney Show has sources, plural. That’s what being the only fraternity at a tech school that has had a NBA player get into a brawl at gets you. And that’s how I know that Kobe’s act with SAS was pure BS and he hates Jordan. He didn’t take 24 for nothing. This source loses his access because he gets suspended by the team.)
God bless the NBA’s new marketing campaign. Because it makes jokes so easy. 20 seconds to get as many “Where…happens” jokes in. Ready. Set. Go.

The NBA where…kicking game while eating popcorn happens….Baby girl happens….wondering if someone will pay you to have sex happens…transvestite posses happens…and time.

All new Texas Toast coming soon…