Tankapalooza 2007

With the Jets on a bye week, I’d like to welcome everybody to the kickoff party of Tankapalooza 2007. This shouldn’t be confused with Tankapalooza 2005. No, this is a whole new campaign to convince my J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets that winning doesn’t matter anymore: getting a high draft pick matters. I’m hoping every game going forward is a close one. Clemens takes them for the go ahead score at the two minute warning every week. And for the next 7 weeks, the other team marches down the field to win in the closing seconds. That’s the best of both worlds: Clemens gets confidence, shows he’s the QB of the future, and we get a nice juicy top pick come April.
Now some of you may be discouraged by Tankapalooza 2005’s results. Sure the Jets forgot what they were playing for and won two out of their last 4 games. And this ended up with not Reggie Bush or Vince Young (who just wins football games) but an Offensive Tackle (Oh, irony, you are cruel sometimes. It was the coach who’s name I won’t speak’s motto that you “Play to win the games.” But it was this mantra that ended up with two December wins and the man who personifies this saying getting picked one slot ahead of the Jets).
But this year, with your support, we can get it through Mangini’s head to make some interesting calls. Flea flicker on the 5 yard line, sure, go for it. My only concern is the New England game. That has the potential to set so many records (highest point spread, largest margin of victory, most injuries) that I’m afraid to watch it. Other than that let’s look at the remaining games to tank:

Pittsburgh – Easy loss. Though I’d like to not lose this game because Mangini decides that a 40 yard field goal is close enough
@ Dallas – Another easy loss.
@ Miami – This becomes the game of the year. Jets, you’re currently sitting on the # 2 pick with St Louis’ win. A loss here, and you might move up to # 1. The biggest game remaining on the schedule. Hopefully Dallas can injure enough players so that we won’t have to throw this game outright.
Cleveland – They’ve shown some moxie lately. Just to be sure, maybe Clemens get “sick” this week, so we can have Chad throwing in the Meadowlands, in December with a 4:15 start. Cleveland will probably play 10 men in the box if this happens.
@ New England – See above. Possibly the highest point spread ever. Not even factoring in the revenge issue.
@ Tennessee – The Titans should still be in the playoff hunt. Hopefully someone will remind them that the Jets wore terrible throwback jerseys and called themselves the Titans as well, earlier in the season. This should provide enough motivation to Tennessee.
Kansas City – I KC is still in the playoff hunt, I would be willing to accept a win if it keeps the man we won’t mention out of the playoffs. Depends where we’re sitting in the draft.

So there you have it. 7 games, with only 3 winable games. We can do this.
So there’s the plan for Tankapalooza 2007. The reward? Darren fucking McFadden. Yes, the best player in America right now. Did you see his 320 something performance against South Carolina? How about against Alabama where he put his team on his back? Did I mention he can throw the ball farther than the quarterback who started the season for the Jets? I might lose my mind if this happens. (I will also be willing to accept Glen Dorsey. Lord knows our run defense needs help. And Dorsey is a beast.)
And if you think I’m playing around with how serious I am about this, consider this Saturday. I had an invitation to go meet up with a friend at a bar called “McFadden’s”. I will not go to this bar for fear that by going there, I will jinx things (see my discussion about Peterson during week 10). That is serious my friends. Me turning down a bar invitation requires a lot. I will turn down bars for the next two months if it means having Darren McFadden and his Fred Flintstone Halloween outfit wearing the green and white for the next 15 years. The plan has been set Mangini. Don’t fuck it up. Tankapalooza 2007. Catch it.