Monday Morning Hangover - Week 10

I did just wake up from a nap, so there’s a 3% chance this didn’t happen, but I’m pretty sure I just saw that its now a tradition to play House of Pain in between the 3rd and 4th quarters. Ok, it’s true, they just made a mention of it on the broadcast. Between that and them making an arrest of students having sex in the stadium bathroom, Camp Randall might be a place I’d like to visit. Currently, it’s the only thing keeping me from writing an episode entitled “Why the Big Ten Should Be Taken Out Back and Shot Old Yeller Style.” And by shot, I mean moved to D2. I wasn’t prepared for the entire ESPN crew doing Jumping Around as well. And definitely not prepared for the announcer to do the Tony Yayo dance (this actually happened). I’m not gifted enough with the English language to properly describe that moment. (Unfortunately, ESPN did not show Erin Andrews jumping around. Bastards.)

While I have your attention (I’m sure it’ll start wandering soon. There’s only so long I can keep this up without the aid of Irish rap groups), this might be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen:http://www.jamphat.com/rap/
Yes, that is entitled “Rap represented in mathematical charts and graphs.” In the words of Lisa Simpson, “I like graphs.” My favorites were the “Halfway Crooks” pie chart and the “Can I Get A…” flowchart.

Thank you Wisconsin and Illinois for defeating Michigan and Ohio St to prevent me from a week of hype on a game of two average teams and having to root for a team that lost to a I-AA team to go to the BCS to prevent Ohio St from going to the National Championship. I really like Illinois, only because they have a quarterback named Juice. It takes a lot for a football player to go with that name after OJ. Also, after every first down he got, I said in the Sam Jackson beer voice, “Juice…that was a good one.” Note that I was watching this game by myself. Graphs and Chapelle Show jokes. That’s all I really need to be happy.

If it were any other week, UGA the dog trying to bite someone on national tv would be my most unlikely moment of the week, but the I Can’t Feel My Face by a 50 year old white man dancing to “Jump Around” will not be topped unless Chad Johnson forces himself on a cheerleader to celebrate a touchdown this week in front of 75,000 people. By the way, Georgia just wrapped it up, and Knowshon Moreno is doing his thing again.

Motherfucker. I watched NASCAR for 20 minutes waiting for them to go over to the Miami-Virginia game. Apparently, The U invited all its former players back to run out the tunnel with them. This was must see TV on the chance that Michael Irvin was there. Or if any of them came out in combat fatigues (that would have beaten the Yayo dance). Unfortunately, there was a caution or a crash or something, so the race ran late and didn’t show it.

FUUUUUUCKKKK. ESPN got that duechebag Tiki Barber to announce Virginia’s starting line up. I’ll stick around just to see who Miami gets to announce their starters. C’mon Shockey. Dammit, its Russell Maryland.
Speaking of Shockey, that leads to a drunk Barney story. One time we were at a bar in Hoboken and someone made a comment about Jeremy. Me, having a few drinks in me and still experiencing post concussion syndrome was about to go off about how he was over rated he was. I didn’t know he was sitting right next to us. Anyway, I didn’t say anything. In hindsight, I think that was a good idea.
http://www.nypost.com/seven/11072007/gossip/pagesix/shockey_hassler_gets_a_beating_887673.htm
The best part is that he left the donnybrook by boat. Who say’s Jeremy Shockey isn’t classy?

As for this weeks NFL action, I was once again reminded that as soon as I think I have an idea of what’s going on in this league, I have no fuckin’ idea what to expect. I think I picked three games right this week. My famous betting rule, “Never bet on a team where the head coach’s son went to court for smuggling drugs in his rectum” went to shit.

I also appreciated that I had a discussion with Brock before the 1 o’clock games about Adrian Peterson being injury prone. And what happens? Of course he gets hurt. If its serious, bye bye any chance of making a late season fantasy run.

I missed the Giants melt down because of handling baby mama issues. I really think she calls during games because she knows I’m not doing anything. At least she had the common courtesy to call me directly after the Pats/Indy game last week. A call during the game would have been ignored. I think that would have held up in court. Rooting against Tony Romo in a courtroom 90 miles from Texas Stadium would not have. (And all you have to worry about is the spread. I have to consider the ramifications of every phone call I get and how they’ll hold up in a custody suit. No wonder I can’t pick a game right anymore.)

That’s it for this week. Hopefully Purple Jesus can heal his own sprained knee.

(Yes, I know this is getting posted on Sunday night. This is what I can do when sober all weekend. It's crazy I know.)