Tyson Review

A few weeks ago I got some text messages from an upset Chubb Rock, letting me know how pissed he was that I didn’t tell him there was Mike Tyson documentary coming out. I was apparently his go to person for information of this type. As penance for that, I went to see it the first weekend it was here in the District and wrote a review. Good enough for you?
For those of you who haven’t seen the preview, it’s a very simple premise. Over the course of a few days, the director just put Mike Tyson in front of a camera and asked him to talk about his life. Interspersed in there are clips of Mike and him talking over it. Why no one thought of this before, I have no idea, but the result is exactly what you would imagine if Mike Tyson talked for an hour and a half straight.
After the Boys Will Be Boys book came out in the fall, the definitive account of the 1990s Cowboys, I put together a Top 7 list of sports books I wanted to see come out. After putting it together, I decided I didn’t like it enough to actually post. But the number one selection was a definitive Mike Tyson biography. I’m not sure how it is for other people, but growing up, Mike Tyson was that dude. For a few years, he was unquestionably the baddest motherfucker on the planet. Even better, he knew he was the baddest mother. And then, it all fell apart.
One of the reasons I wasn’t as excited about this movie as you would have thought is that in the end, it’s kind of depressing. You know how it’s going to end, and yet you still watch to see the details of the train wreck that you came to see. And part of you feels guilty for paying money to see the train wreck. The lesson learned from this is that you have a person with unbelievable physical gifts, but in the end, he doesn’t have the mental or emotional maturity to deal with it. And to be honest, I’m not sure how many of us would. Mike won the heavyweight title at 20 years old, back when the heavyweight title meant something. If I was a multimillionaire who came from nothing at age 20, who’s to say I wouldn’t have done the same stupid things. We see it all the time in Hollywood. Tyson’s story was the same, just on a much grander scale. The most poignant moment of the movie is when Mike talks about the leaches that sucked him dry. And then in a moment of reflection, he notes that at the same time, he let them suck him dry. (In a related note, in my mind, the most impressive thing about Lebron is how he hasn’t let this happen to him yet. Here you have a guy who’s been told he would be the best player since Jordan since he was 15-16 years old. And somehow, he’s not only lived up to it, but hasn’t had any incident outside of getting the Hummer his senior year of high school. And he’s done this in his de facto hometown with all his friends around. You can talk about Lebron’s physical skills all you want, but his emotional and mental maturity is the exact opposite of Tyson’s).
Ok, enough with the seriousness. You don’t tune in to the Barney Show for its sentimentality. Before we go, let’s get to some of the fun parts of Tyson:
Fun fact: Did you know that when Iron Mike became the youngest heavyweight champion of all time, he did so with a raging case of gonorrhea? He was too embarrassed to go to a doctor, so he fought through it.

Mike uses the term “skullduggery” multiple times. Yes, it’s as awesome as it sounds.

There’s also the several times where Mike talks about his sexuality. Fun times. Let’s just say anytime I see a female CEO in the back of my mind I’ll be thinking about how Mike would like to meet her.

Probably the most hyped part of the movie is how he calls his rape accuser, “a vile swine of a woman.” He then goes on to say he didn’t rape her, but has taken advantage of women in the past. Way to contradict yourself out of my empathy.

Mike doesn’t really remember the Holyfield fights and talks about them as if they are an out of body experience (which should not surprise anyone). I forgot how Holyfield headbutted the shit out of Tyson in those fights.

Yes, they do show the knockouts. Just in case you were wondering if you would spend $10 to not see anyone get the knocked the f out, fear not. The knockout montages are as good as you think they would be.

This movie also has the best list of producers I’ve ever seen. Both Nas and Carmelo Anthony are listed as producers. Though I am disappointed that Melo didn’t give a stop snitchin to Mike’s accusers.

Finally, in The Hangover (out in June and which looks awesome by the way), Mike lip sync’s to Phil Collins’ “In the Air Tonight”. If this wasn’t a buddy comedy about a bachelor party in Vegas, I would recommend you see this for Mike alone. Now it’s mandatory viewing (and thus concludes my public service to keep my readers as informed about movies like this whenever possible).