NFL Draft Diary...a week late

Coming to you live from my bedroom in northern VA, it’s the 3rd Annual Barney NFL Draft Running Diary in which an idea is blatantly stolen from Sports Guy (and now, only a week late). The tradition unlike any other ends this year, as this is the first time I’ve done one where I’ve started it sober. You might think I was out enjoying this gorgeous weather (The most requested song yesterday on the radio? “Summertime” by The Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff), but you’d be wrong. I spent my morning working on a proposal. So the nicest day of the year so far and I was in an office and my bedroom. Fantastic. We’re joined here today by a chicken burrito and a six pack of Corona, in honor of this draft centering around what happens with Mark Sanchez. This might be the only time the NFL draft centers around a Mexican so I’m making the most of it. We do have half a liter of Jack on hand as well, in case the Jets do their usual draft routine (I came home for lunch and at noon, ESPN kicked off the hour with an intro with Matthew McConaughy detailing draft busts. He ended the segment with, “…and if you know a Jets fan, today, you might want to give them a hug.” That about says it all). On that note, let’s rank the most horrifying scenarios that could play out today.

3. This one has already played out in that the Jets have already shown their hand and made it clear that they want to trade up. You couldn’t get the Patriots to admit who’s catering today’s event, and the Jets are letting Sal Palentonio know their plans. There’s a reason one team has won 3 Super Bowls the past decade and one who has been to one conference championship in my lifetime.
2. Trading up and giving up the farm for Sanchez. When he originally came out, I was didn’t want him being selected at 17. I saw him twice, against Ohio St and Penn St. As I told Brock when he went pro, I think all stats against Big 10 teams should cut in half. Now that they would give up next year’s first for him, I’m could give last years Gholston drinking binge a run for its money (and I ended up being right on that one).
1. There’s been talk of the Browns trading Brady Quinn to the J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets. The entire blogosphere just wet itself trying to think of a Brady Quinn/East Village joke. I don’t think he’s a bad quarterback, but I don’t like my quarterback to be a joke anytime you Google image search him.


Alright, let’s cut the BS, let’s get it on. I know you can’t wait to get comments on football from a guy who hasn’t played a down in his life.

3:43: Sanchez isn’t at the draft but is at his agent’s office. He gets Shelly Smith covering him. In NY, they have Erin Andrews. I’m questioning his decision making ability already.

3:44: Oh great, Herm Edwards is part of ESPN’s coverage. Commence Jack drinking. He just compared the Draft to baking an apple pie. That seems about right.

3:51: Melo just ran a horrible last second play down one to New Orleans. Posey to the line. Melo missed a half court shot. In case you were wondering.

4:00: They just showed Deion Sanders on draft day back in the day. He was on par with Mr T.

4:01: Michael Crabtree had a bad ass pinky ring going. Kiss the rings bitch.

4:02: Every time Goddell does this, he comes off as a complete dork. And that’s coming from someone sitting at home on a gorgeous day to live blog it.

4:04: Stafford gets picked and they cut to the two Lions fans in attendance. They’re both wearing Barry Sanders jerseys, who stopped playing in like 1999. I think that says it all about that team.

4:06: I love that Mel Kiper Jr had him pegged as the first pick of this draft when he graduated from high school in Dallas. That’s why he’s the absolute best.

4:07: Wait, the Manning brothers are watching the draft and texted Stafford? Didn’t they have their Oreo racing championship yesterday? How did they find the time?

4:10: Steve Young is all about a quarterback taking people by the throat. That’s the second time he’s said that so far today. Oh those crazy Mormons.

4:15: Jason Smith, Baylor. Safe pick. You might notice that I don’t have many jokes about offensive linemen.

4:20: Aaron Curry’s suit is gangsta. Between this and the earlier Crabtree comment, I’ll try not to turn this into a fashion blog.

4:22: Why did they let Herm comment on the Chiefs? Why was he not ripped for decimating that franchise? I’m going to be very frustrated very soon.

4:25: Tyson Jackson to KC from LSU. Kiper kills the pick. Seahawks up next, which will set the tone for the rest of the draft.

4:32: Aaron Curry to Seattle…and now it gets interesting. Because the Sanchez sweepstakes just started. I’m expecting Washington to completely overpay for this pick. By the way, I really like this pick for Seattle. But Curry’s gangsta is completely ruined by the neon green hat he’s forced to wear. If that was available in 1991, J-Man would definitely have owned it.

4:36: And they’re playing “Smells Like Teen Spirit” in Radio City Music Hall. Somebody spent less than 10 seconds picking out Seattle’s music. Can they please play Biggie for either the Jets or Giants? And yes, I’m looking forward to who get’s Atlanta’s spot.

4:39: Oh shit, Jets just traded with Cleveland.

4:41: Steve Young just called Sanchez “presidential”. The entire board is giving the Jets a thumbs up for doing this. I’ll hold out until I hear what they give up.

4:42: After he was picked they cut to a Jets fan saying, “Horrible.”

4:44: You know what, I’m ok with this. Rex Ryan won last year with a rookie. Let’s just hope they didn’t give up the farm for this.

4:46: They just gave up a 2nd and some of Mangini’s favorite players. I’m quite ok with this. In fact, let’s chug a Corona. Viva La Revolution!!!

4:47: As this point, I’m very ok with this. In fact, I’m turning a corner and am almost excited. The Jets were 9-7 last year and were the beat the best regular season team on the road before their quarterback imploded. They went out and got a new coach who I’m excited as hell for and got the best free agent defensive player. You know what, I’m excited for next year.

4:50: And of course the Bengals select the guy with character problems. They also signed Tank Johnson this off season. It’s almost like they’re accepting their role and are embracing it. If so, please sign Michael Vick because my dream of him being a Jet is done.

4:55: Berman saying “Chad OchoCinco” was tremendous. His name change has now been officially changed on NFL and Steve Young and Berman are referring to him as that. I’m laughing my ass off. I don’t see this joke not getting old at any point.

4:57: Darrius Heyward-Bey? Really? I see the Raiders basic offense being Darrius, you run long, JaMarcus, you throw it as far as you can.

4:58: Both Kiper and McShay gave it an F grade. Fantastic.

5:06: Eugene Monroe to Jacksonville. I’m finding it hard to imagine a football player named Eugene. Then Berman mentions that he has 16 brothers and sisters and it makes sense. They just ran out of names.

5:07: Steve Young blames all WR swagger problems on Keyshawn. It’s getting feisty on the set.

5:08: I get a text from LA: “hahahahahahahahahaha”. That’s five haha’s. I reply back that he’ll be in the hall of fame if he can play Penn State every week. She didn’t take that too well.

5:10: And the defense of Sanchez begins. This is one of those franchise changing moves that you have to support. Because it’s done, and there’s no going back from it. Taking the front office move out on the player doesn’t help anyone. Time to get on the Sanchez bus. I got my ticket.

5:14: BJ Raji to Green Bay. He’s not a software developer, he’s a defensive lineman.

5:19: Instead of Berman tipping off the pick before tossing it to the commish, their new thing is to have a camera on the draftee when he’s getting the call. Thanks for the suspense douches.

5:21: Crabtree to 49ers. Noted that he was the baddest motherfucker in America last year. But then again, I said the same thing about Charles Rodgers.

5:26: Since Heyward-Bey went so early, he won’t be the bust of the draft, but I had Aaron Maybin as the bust of the draft on my board (i.e. a rough hodgepodge of ideas in my head that I don’t reveal to anyone), since he wasn’t even a starter at Penn State until last year.

5:28: Somehow I don’t see black people embracing KFC’s new grilled chicken. I’ve got Mexican comments, blacks, who else is left?

5:30: Knowshon Moreno gets the keeping it real award for this year by wearing a t-shirt and a fitted to the side and playing cards while being filmed by ESPN. And he goes to Denver.

5:33: The Redskins waste no time taking Orakpo. He’s a monster. But so was Gholston. Asked me how that turned out.

5:34: Orakpo benches 515. I actually had to do the math on that one, and that’s five plates plus.

5:37: Stafford let Maria Sharapova make him over for E:60? How much did you pay for him Detroit? Want that back? If he didn’t get some for that, I’d have character questions. If I was an NFL personnel person, I’d be the only one who brings up character issues for doing gay things.

5:40: Malcolm Jenkins, who is doing his best Kanye impression, goes to the Saints.

5:41: My phone has been oddly silent today. Could it be that everyone else is out enjoying this weather in the northeast? I think so.

5:44: Ray Maualuga getting interviewed by Erin Andrews might be the most exciting moment of this draft. Just youtube those two and enjoy.

5:45: Brian Cushing to Houston. Injury issues? An alleged steroid positive? I’m intrigued by this coincidence.

5:51: Larry English to San Diego. I’ve never heard of him. My level of research of this is unsurpassed.
5:55: Did Sanchez just say “From the West Coast, the best coast”? I hope this was done before he knew he was going to New York, because let me say this: The land of Biggie will not stand for that shit.

5:58: Just got a congrats text about Sanchez. I’m on the enjoyment train right now. Not a normal feeling this time of year.
6:06: Robert Ayers to Denver. I got nothing.

6:10: You know what’s the toughest part of this draft? That it’s sponsored by Coors. Not that I drink it, but that I was slated to go out on a business trip out to Golden, Colorado. My job consisted of sitting in an office for 8 hours and answering three questions a day about this one software I know about. So basically, I get a free trip out to Colorado. And on Tuesday, it got cancelled because of costs. Fuck-ing-a. Good bye vacation while not having to take vacation days.

6:13: Macklin gets a call from Philly while Eye of the Tiger plays. The music coordinator spent about 5 minutes getting prepped for this.

6:15: Doesn’t Deshaun Jackson return punts and kicks as well? I’m confused by this pick.

6:19: Brandon Pettigrew to Detroit. Seems like a good pick for Detroit.

6:25: Alex Mack to Cleveland. See my previous statement about offensive lineman comments.

6:28: Percy Harvin to Minnesota. And I called it. You’ll have to believe me since I’m the only one here. And yes, this was the player I wanted to Jets to get if they didn’t trade up. I like this pick. Very much. If they had someone else at qb besides Tavaris Jackson, I’d say they could have a chance to go to the Super Bowl.

6:34: Another plus in this pick? Sanchez is a west coast guy. The Jets couldn’t win shit west of the Mississippi. So maybe that will help.

6:35: And the Patriots traded back. Huge surprise. Should I be concerned about Mangini taking the Belichick method and trading back continuously and that he was smarter than we gave credit for and Tannenbaum was running the show? You know I couldn’t leave a draft in a positive state of mind.

6:36: I’ve read “The Blind Side” and yes, Oher’s story is as good as they hype it.

6:39: And I don’t think he could go to a better team than Baltimore. And he nailed the interview with EA. Honestly, go read The Blind Side and go root for him even if you’re a Steelers fan.

8:41: Peria Jerry? The fuck?

6:48: Vontae Davis to Miami. I got nothing. We’re at that point where I stop having an effective opinion on anyone.

6:58: And all of Radio City Music Hall chants “USA, USA, USA” for the military servicemen. Since I’m getting to that point where I’m out of opinions, I can’t top that, and I’m drunk enough, we’re signing off for this year. God Bless America.

Other thoughts after sobering up Sunday morning:
Another pick that I like, Nicks to the Giants. I texted Chubb Rock to let him know it as well.

The Steelers drafted the guy with the best porn name, Ziggy Hood.

Am I excited for Pat White running the Wildcat in Miami next year? Fuck yes I am.

Finally, I’m ok with the Sanchez pick. Even though he doesn’t have that many games under his belt, sometimes you have to make a tough call and go with your gut. There are about 10 teams in the league who don’t have to worry about their QB situation. Two that have no issues what so ever (Indy and New England assuming Brady comes back healthy), two that have Super Bowl rings but drive their fans nuts sometimes (Pittsburgh and the Giants), two where they have a young guy with an impressive rookie year and aren’t looking for someone but I’d like to see it more than one year (Baltimore and Atlanta. You could also put Kansas City in this category if you want), two where the qbs are douches, but can get the job done (San Diego and Chicago) and two where they have veterans but they don’t know for how long (Philly and Arizona). That’s it. If you have someone established at that position, it makes everything else so much easier. And if the J-E-T-S thought Sanchez was one of those guys, you have to go for it, because its not something that comes along every year. The Jets are in a win now mode, with a defense that will be good, so it’s not like they can expect to get a top 10 pick next year.
And more importantly, they didn’t give up too much to go up. It’s always difficult to project how one guy who excels in one system will do in another. These might be three guys who will only work well in Mangini’s system. So I’m not that concerned about that. They didn’t give up a ton of picks to move up, so I’m happy.