Monday Morning Hangover - Week 8

Another edition of Monday Morning Hangover. This is the first that I recall is actually posted on a Monday and surprise, I’m not hungover this morning. Completely sober last night. I know kids, I’m scarred too.

Saturday
We start with my favorite game of the year, “The World’s Largest Cocktail Party.” Knowshaun Moreno is a bad man. He just demolished Florida. Now let’s work on that first name.
I was also reminded that Georgia gets the award for most ignorant school in the SEC (which is quite an accomplishment). Not only do they have a mascot named Uga (someone probably spent 0.4 seconds coming up with that), but they continue to play Civil War battle songs after touchdowns.

I’m glad that the biggest game of the year in the Pac 10 so far this year wasn’t available on tv. Pac 10, you lose the right to say there’s an East Coast Bias if you can’t get your own tv deal to show us here on the East Coast your games. While I’m at it, fuck you ABC for showing Maryland/Clemson instead of South Florida/UConn. I hate regional programming.

Ok ABC, you redeemed yourself by playing Phil Collins’ “In the Air Tonight” before the Ohio St-Penn St followed by Penn St’s white out. I’m sufficiently excited for now. We’ll see how I am after a few drinks. Alright, Kelli Rowland and 50 Cent sufficiently killed my buzz. I hate you again ABC.

Flipping to the World Series, I just want to note that Carrie Underwood could catch it. Fuck you Tony Romo.

Herbstreit: “(Penn St Running Back)…is fast and shifty.”
Me: “Too bad the one who’s on trial for rape wasn’t fast and shifty in getting out of the chick.” (Yes, I know I’m going to hell).

I think we’re taking up a new cause here on The Barney Show: The Big Ten Sucks Campaign (because the ‘. If Ohio St makes it to the National Championship game again, I might have to stop watching college football. They’re best win would be against a team that lost to a I-AA team and got dismantled at home by Oregon. Everyone will say, “Well, they beat everyone in the Big Ten.” That’s circular logic people. If everyone in the Big Ten sucks (which they do), all that shows is that Ohio St. sucks less. By my count, the Big Ten has defeated exactly zero good teams outside of conference play. I can’t wait to see them play Boston College who’s biggest win would be against a team that lost by 30 to LSU.

My favorite comment I’ve seen with regards to the BCS. “If there is a God, he’ll find a way to have Oregon and West Virginia play in the title game.” Amen to that. I’ll take the over please.

By now, if you haven’t seen the Trinity 15 lateral finish, google that shit. Most ridiculous thing ever.

Sunday
On to the NFL, where I protested the NFL’s game in London out of principle. I am not a fan of this international crap. First off, it took a home game away from Miami. I know this won’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things this year because Miami sucks monkey tit, but one year it will keep a team out of the playoffs. And then, all hell will break lose. Also, it’s a slap in the face to the fans of the team that has to go over there because they lose a chance to see another game (there are only 8 of them a year. It’s not like catching a Simpson rerun). Finally, the rest of the world hasn’t earned the right to watch the NFL. Enjoy your soccer, Europeans. There’s a reason we had to save your ass in WWII. It’s because we grow up trying to hit the living piss out of each other, and not take dives.

As for the 4 o’clock game, I was stuck watching the Patriots surgically destroy the Redskins. Just an ass kicking in every sense of the word. This week, the Pats decided to boost they’re QB’s rushing statistics, so Brady had a 2 and 3 yard TD run (they’re the same as a TD pass in fantasy to me), and they’re backup QB had a 15 yard run. They also threw in a tackle eligible touchdown, and a fake spike play for a touchdown for good measure. Like Prince at a club, normal TDs bore them.

My dad and I find talking about the Jets too depressing. I mentioned to him that the Jets should start losing for a better draft pick, only to remind myself that they had 2 wins going into December 2005, and then won 2 of their last 4 to move themselves back in the draft. The Jets can’t even lose right. My dad already has his sights set on BC’s Matt Ryan. He’s undeterred by the fact that they invested in Clemens 2 years ago. Irish Catholic QB’s don’t grow on trees and cannot be passed up in his mind.

And finally, my moral dilemma I’m faced with tonight. If Denver wins, I win $450. If they lose, I’d have to live with the fact that the boss I hate is celebrating. I think the only acceptable route to go is to root for Denver, but promise I’ll throw money at her tomorrow at work. I probably won’t make it rain, I’ll just get a wad of $1, roll them up and use them as a projectile. That’s an acceptable compromise in my eyes.