Irish Day 2007

I know you’re asking yourself, “What did Barney do this Irish Day?” A brief summary:

- I left the Dirty at 4:30 in the morning and got to the West End at 9 and immediately started drinking Jameson.
- K Dog joined me an hour later still drunk from the night before.
- We hit the bars starting at around noon.
- By 3, I’m threatening to fight K-Dog for doing the Soldja Boy dance (possibly the worst thing in the history of the world besides “Who’s Now?”)
- Around 4, I had my last lucid thought that I can remember: “I really want to hook up with . She looks like a young Ann Coulter.” (At this point, I probably should have stopped drinking. I mean, that’s just weird.) It’s just actions at this point.
- Me and K-Dog proceeded to another bar. Happy, drunk Barney turned into angry drunk Barney very quickly upon seeing someone that he didn’t like as the bartender. Making him angrier, this person took 15 minutes to serve K-Dog a beer (it’s a bitch being the one black guy out on Irish Day). Once K-Dog had a few sips, I said, “You about ready to head out? Ok, I’m going outside to puke on the side of this building, I’ll meet you outside in 5.” The best part was that I said it in the same manner if I had been taking the trash outside the building. (Luckily I was cognizant enough to realize that there were multiple bouncers outside this building and would beat my ass if I did)
- I went home to chill out for a bit. I kept drinking Jameson. My mom was home so we were talking. Three hours (and a semi intervention) later, I was done for the night. I don’t remember anything I said to my mom, but it was something along the lines of I’m a complete alcoholic, I hate my job, I have the worst luck, what do I do. Upon leaving the house on Sunday, all my mom said to me was, “Take care of yourself, Barney, take care of yourself.”
- So after an interesting discussion, I decided to not go out to the bars again. As is my luck, a ridiculously hot girl two years younger than me asked K-Dog where I was. I just can’t win.
- Upon driving home, I puked into a Burger King bag on the Belt Parkway and I-95.
- So a performance like that made me realize I need to take a break. I’ve currently gone 77 hours without a drink. I’m hoping to make it a week. So if my episodes are a little less interesting, you’ll know why. Oh wait, I’m going to the Texas State Fair in two days. That should suffice.