Top 7 - Another Isiah Edition

It’s often be said, “If you love something, let it go. If it returns, it was meant to be. If not, it was never yours” (or something like that. I’m fairly certain I’m paraphrasing DMX here. Nothing like waxing philosophically about It’s Dark and Hell is Hot). A year ago, we let the Isiah Thomas era go. And wouldn’t you know it, he’s back. So it was destined that Isiah coaching be a part of our lives forever. At least I hope so. Or until he overdoses on sleeping pills again. Let’s just get into the Top 7 reasons its good to have Isiah back coaching, this time, at Florida International.

7. He should make it a policy to pick up all recruits making campus visits using Starbury’s truck. Which recruit in the nation would turn down FIU after having a truck party? This would even be better than meeting the “assistant coaches” at Tech U. It’s the same thing, except on wheels. And everything’s cooler when you’re going 60 MPH.

6. Just the very thought of Isiah recruiting is hilarious. Can you imagine him walking into some recruits home and going to their parents, “Mr. and Mrs. Jones, your son would make an excellent addition to our fine institution. I think I’m the right person to make your boy into a man. I have a proven track record: My $10 M sexual harassment suit. Losing more than $150 M in four years. Making a basketball team worse every year. These are the attributes you look for in a leader.” How can any parent takes this kid seriously? Any parent who signs off on their son playing for him isn’t going to be winning any parent of the year awards, let’s just say that.

5. As a college coach, Isiah will have more authority over his players. Hence, they’ll be watching Love & Basketball on all bus trips.

4. If I’m Obama, I think I missed the point with yesterday’s speech on the economy. If I were his advisor, I would have advised him to do the following: “The economy is already rebounding. Why just today, Isiah Thomas got a job. I’m not going to repeat his track record, but it will be listed on the White House’s website for reference. If a man like that can be gainfully employed, our economy has to be coming back. If all our employers followed FIU’s lead in not even looking at resumes or past performance, our unemployment rate would be a lot less than 8%.”

3. You know how some college coaches are required to actually teach? Florida International cannot pass this opportunity up. Women’s Studies? Covered. Finance 101? Who better to teach then Isiah? Lecture to the sociology department of the subtleties of the word ‘bitch’ between whites and blacks? Schedule that conference and start sending out flyers. Entrepreneurship? The only question is if Lawrence Moten is still alive to tell about his experience in the CBA. If you’re going to run your basketball program into the ground, why not run your whole university.

2. For the first Sun Belt coach that says, “If Isiah Thomas were white, he’d be just another coach.”

1. The mere possibility of a Central Florida – Florida International matchup. I have to be the only person in America excited about this. Why? Who was CFU’s most talked about recruit this year? That’s right, Jordan’s kid. If you think Jordan wouldn’t want his kid to drop 40 on Isiah’s team, you don’t know the vindictiveness of MJ. And yes, I know this would be a revival of an early 90s rivalry via a proxy battle amongst 18-22 year olds, I don’t care. I want to see FIU walk off the court with time remaining. I’m hoping MJ’s kid refuses to be on the all conference team if Isiah is the coach.

There’s probably something I’m leaving out. Leave em in the comments.