Olympic torch flaming, it burns so sweet, the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat. Wait, where was I? Oh right, writing a blog.
Whew, finally done with that proposal. Nothing like working 90 hour weeks. So what else has been going on? Let’s first get to an example of shit that only happens to me. So Monday afternoon, I’m working on a semi-serious presentation. Basically, they just want us to present something to get experience presenting. Anyway, I do mine and part of it went into some disaster recovery we’ve had to do. To illustrate this point and to add a bit of humor, I put a picture in of a train crashing.
I send it off to the appropriate person and don’t think anything of it. Monday night rolls around, and there’s a train accident that kills like 7 people. I completely forget about that picture until an hour before I have to present and it gets sent out and I realize I have to speak to this less than 24 hours after the deadliest train crash in Metro’s history. So yeah, that was fun. I even titled the slide “Murphy’s Law”. So who now I’m the insensitive guy. I was quick on my feet and spent most of the slide talking about our response to Hurricane Katrina. That really lightened the mood.
Keeping with the theme, I went out to happy hour on Friday. More like I got dragged by my coworkers who were beginning to question my sanity. I’m thinking I’ll have a few and be ready to pass out because I’m so tired, but being the degenerate alky that I am, I start feeling tired after my second double jack, so I switch over to red bull and vodka. A fine a decision as you’ll ever see. So now, I’m committed to the night. A few more drinks in and I’m talking to this girl. She’s pretty hot and things are going well. We keep talking going on like an hour. Just when I start to think there are possibilities, she drops this nugget to her friend that was there: “Don’t you just love him? He’s just like my brother. I mean exactly.” Yup, that about killed it. Nothing like a little incestuous overtone to kill the mood.
Another highlight of the happy hour was someone casually mentioning that they were going to Sea Isle City, NJ that weekend. Yeah, they did not know what they were getting into. I told them to not even think about going as that city was pure evil. They looked at me like I had 6 heads (Ok, you know where we’re going with this one. It’s time for the Sea Isle City story. It was the summer before my senior year of college. Friday night we had a bit of a night, and I ended up passed out on my bathroom floor. Brock tried to help me but me being the gentleman that I am said something along the lines of, “I know what the fuck I’m doing. Do you not think I know how to handle myself when I’m puking? The fuck do you think I am?” The next morning I pried myself off of that floor to join K Dog, Blaze and Marky Mark on a road trip. K Dog was dating some chick who lived way down on the Jersey shore. Her parents were out of town so she invited him and some of his friends down to visit. That was her first mistake right there. We finally get down there after brutal traffic on the NJ Parkway, and before we even find her house, we stop and get a 30 of beer and 2 bottles. We get to her place and within an hour she’s asking K Dog if I’m out on the porch doing cocaine. For the record, I was not. I was writing an episode of The Barney Show. After performing the Barney Show, we notice the house across the street has no lights on, with the exception of one candle in every single window. That’s pretty creepy. Ok, we note it and move on. Around this time, some of K-Dog’s girl’s friends start showing up. One of which was named Joanne which caught Marky Mark’s eye. Unfortunately, he did not know she had a boyfriend, who was also there. Before he found out about this, he made a bet with me for $20 that he could hook up with her before the end of the night. Knowing she had a boyfriend, I took this bet and laughed.
The night went on, and we were told that there was another party a few blocks over. We decided to check it out. While walking over there, we noticed there were several houses with the candles in each window. Being of a sound mind at that point, I can’t see how we became so paranoid. But we because convinced that every house was haunted and that we were somewhere near the nexus of hell. We decided to skip the party and go back to the house.
Now, we’re at the end of the line for the night. I crash on the couch…with a steak knife next to me because I’m convinced a demon is going to get me. Marky Mark, realizing he might be down $20 if he doesn’t do something soon decides to get a move on it. Joanne and her boyfriend were in one of the bedrooms downstairs. This didn’t deter Marky Mark at all. He starts banging on the door and yelling, “JOANNE! JOANNE! Ditch the zero and get with the hero.” In the history of western civilization, there has not been a better pick up line. He continues his harassment for about 30 minutes before finally realizing she’s not unlocking that door.
We wake up the next morning and are basically told don’t ever come back here again to which I said, “That’s fine, it’s not like I’m ever coming back to this possessed town again. I’m lucky I survived.”)
Me being the gentleman that I am (notice a theme), I felt it was my civic duty to warn this person of the impending doom they were getting themselves into by visiting Sea Isle City. When they didn’t heed my warnings, I got K Dog on the phone to validate them. After that, this person really didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night. I can’t see why not. I must say, out of all my irrational hatreds, this might be the most irrational. Sea Isle City, that’s quite a distinction.
You have to love the reaction I got when people called to make sure I was ok after the train accident. It basically was, “Yeah, I assumed you were at work when it happened so I didn’t think you were involved.” I may need to find a new job.
I finally got around to seeing The Hangover, and it was hilarious. Go see it if you haven’t. I’m looking forward to me not being allowed by someone’s finance to go to a bachelor party because of that movie.
I’ll be in NY for the 4th if anyone’s interested. Hopefully, it will be a low key week.
